Why others decide my happiness?

Though this is there for donkeys years but since last few months I have been realizing how my being happy or sad or whatever feelings I am going though is controlled and dependent on others. Citing some of the recent events - I felt depressed when Divyansh didn't come up with his expected results, when my friend Rajesh quit Rotary, excited with my new Mac, some great shots with the camera etc etc. We are taught to make our happiness dependent on others - some object, thing, people,events , conditions. Now I understand the lack of real long term happiness in my life is because of dependence on others. I feel I delay my happiness till things are just right. But life is never just right and future never comes - there is only now. Sunils untimely death should be an eye opener. Life around his family and friends just took a complete turnaround the moment the doctor said he had few months to live. Just 42 with two young daughters. It was a moment of shock more than I had ever experienced. But still why don't I learn? Why I keep on postponing my happiness? And the only reason I can find out is my dependency on others for my happiness. I have seen all my happiness being dependent on acquiring something or someone, seeing the result I desired, waiting for some pain to go away before being happy. Happiness has to be my decision and not a dependency. And to do that I have to change my state of being from dependency to freedom from dependency.

Fly Past

Fly Past
Originally uploaded by Sandeep Mall

The Little Egret (Egretta garzetta) is a small white heronThe adult Little Egret is 55–-65 cm long with an 88–-106 cm wingspan. It weighs 350–-550 grams. Its plumage is all white. It has long black legs with yellow feet and a slim black bill. In the breeding season, the adult has two long nape plumes and gauzy plumes on the back and breast. The bare skin between the bill and eyes becomes red or blue. Juveniles are similar to non-breeding adults but have duller legs and feet. The subspecies garzetta has yellow feet and a bare patch of grey-green skin between the bill and eyes, whereas nigripes has yellow skin between the bill and eye and blackish feet.
Little Egrets are mostly silent but make various croaking and bubbling calls at their breeding colonies and produce a harsh alarm call when disturbed.

Kingfisher

Kingfisher
Originally uploaded by Sandeep Mall

Shot at Okhla Bird Sanctuary

Everyone wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die

Recession forced me to cut costs and I had to relinquish luxury of driver. I always enjoy driving and also hate to have a driver who most of the time is all ears to what u r talking but had to hire one as I was not allowed to drive after my surgery for more than six months. Its been a real test of patience on the roads. The civic sense of the proud citizens of this country is horrible. People driving those million Rupee + cars regularly throw Banana peel out of their fast moving cars. Spitting on the road is birth right of all the tobacco chewing population. Driving in lane is a no no. People prefer to bribe and tip then wearing their seat belt. Sights of garbage all across the city and "sara jahan hamara" toilets is common.Cellphones ringing loudly in public transport and honking is the best music that the denizens can play. I have never been able to maintain the safe distance with the car ahead as some one will overtake from the left and get between the two cars. And unfortunately there seems to be no solution to all this in sight. We are proud citizens who get into the street, destroy public property etc etc on the question of morality, religion, caste. Seven thousand crores of public property was burnt in Punjab in a day in retaliation to a shoot out in a Gurudwara in Vienna. Why destroy the public property? Because only 3 % of the population pay for it with their taxes. And the rest think its their "Baap ka maal".

62 years ago when India became independent, the life expectancy of an Indian was well under 30. The retirement age of officers was 55. Reaching the age of 60 was a celebration in the family and those who could afford weighed in food grains and the same was distributed to the needy. Now at 60+ our large majority is below 40. With the younger population it is expected that we better our record but it looks like we are digressing. Morality is of no relevance in this fast paced life. Civic sense does not exist. The curse of memory is surely the burden of old age as the new generation can afford to be amnesiac. The young can take every thing for granted. This country no longer remembers the calendars of Bhagat Singh, Netaji or Vivekanand. Gandhiji is now referred as another name of maajboori not realising that his name was synonym with majbooti And every one talks of making India - "sone ki chidiya" again. We want this country to be world leader, a powerful nation, an economic superpower, a heaven. But unfortunately no one wants to die for it. No one wants to contribute his slightest civic sense to make it one.

I know I will be reborn....

This day a year back I was admitted for my disk replacement surgery. An event that changed my complete thought process and priorities in life. It also made me realise things that I will not be able to do any more , things that I always wanted to but never had time to do. Suddenly I found out I have out grown those little little things that I never did and now that I know what I missed I cannot do them any more. Working for more than 80 hrs a week for 15 long years - the only thing that I got for me or my family was all those materialistic things which does not hold any relevance the moment priorities change. God gave me opportunity twice to understand this when my parents were detected with cancer in 2001 and 2006 but its rightly said," You yourself have to die to go to heaven". I realised this with my surgery and thought of sharing this with all. I know I will be reborn as I missed out on some of the major things and I can not do them any more. Listing them:

1. Enjoying my children grow - When Sameep and Divyansh were growing up, I never had time for them. Now that they are teenagers I just am left to cry at myself on those missed out happy moments which a father is privileged to enjoy seeing his child grow.

2. Lessons from my Grandfather - My Grandfather was my spiritual Guru. Whenever I am at crossroads I always find an answer to all my grandfather taught me. Unfortunately he is no more and I could never have enough of his views and thoughts.

3. Tennis - My Tennis abruptly came to a halt because of the surgery and as it looks like i will never be able to play again.

4. Adventure Sports - Despite my love for adventures I never did Bungee jumping and now after the surgery can never do it.

5. Beat Debjani to top my class - I was never able to come first beating Debjani in my junior school despite all my efforts.

I have dreams that I have to fulfill before it becomes late and remain dreams. I give myself five more years of active business before I start living all my passion and fulfilling my dreams. As rightly said in the lyrics of the song from the coming Amir Khan movie "Bachpan to gaya jawani bhi gayi,Ek pal toh ab humein jeene do.Give me some sunshine,Give me some rain,Give me another chance, I wanna grow up once again."

Whos bothered of the law

Whos bothered of the law
Originally uploaded by Sandeep Mall

On the NH 8 , I found these three guys speeding without helmets ? God save them and people on their way

Flickr: Your Photostream

Flickr: Your Photostream

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