August has been a typical month. A time when I am trying to re invent myself and getting all my acts together. In all this hustle bustle, I could never get into right frame to write. But then this topic of discussion we had over breakfast which motivated me to express myself. We were talking about one of Dads maternal Uncle and Aunt and how they are so different in their life, hobbies, work culture. I mean everything. They relish their holidays differently though living together. Having seen and lived with them closely, i never saw anything distinctly common and still they have been happily married for almost 60 years. I was wondering since this morning what keeps them going together but then when I look around I find most of us are in the same boat. When I say most of us - its me and people close to me and around me. Minoo and me have very few things common. As I write this blog, I don't recollect a single common taste or hobby. Her food habits are different - she loves green and lots of veggies and I like fries. She is adamant on her views and sticks by it , I prefer to let things happen. I enjoy sports and she would prefer family melodrama. I love to read and photograph , she prefers to decorate the home. In fact when I look around most of the couples I am close with, they are distinctly different and share very few common thoughts and hobbies. Yet I find them happy together. I am happy being married to Minoo. That makes me think - May its better this way. If we would have shared similar work and hobbies , we would be comparing each other. Evaluating performances. Judging our love and trust on those performances. The diversity of " We are who we are" keeps the romance going and even if we don't like it we have no choice as she is expert in half of the activities we do and I in the other half. If only there was a way to add all the shouting that's coming from Minoo as I write this - "Switch off the Light, I cant sleep with lights on" , you can make out our compatibility as I can go into sleep when she has the lights on to do some stuff or may be teach Divyansh. Love you Minoo.
Monday, August 31, 2009
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2 comments:
I believe the harmony comes more from how a couple respects each other's strengths & helps deal with weaknesses, gives space for each other's personal interests and hobbies, lets go of the trivial differences between their personalities, looks up to each other for constructive criticism and stands by each other in all times. (With my almost 18 years of experience) I believe other things that matter are being a good listener, taking a moment to appreciate small gestures and express yourself, way/tone of communicating while discussing a sensitive issue or negative criticism, genuinely using sorry and thank you at right moments, keeping some 'us' minutes aside everyday, and avoid going to bed angry with each other. What damages the most is expectations to change the other person to your preference.
Sandeep Bhaiya, though i read your blog every so often, i have never taken the time to comment. firstly, let me tell you what a great writer/thinker you have become. as you write more and more your pen is becoming smoother. Hats off! i have an Eng hons. and i find it hard to express thru words, but you seems to be great at it.
I totally agree to all the compatibility differences, and i think being not common is what adds the spice to a relationship. if a husband and wife were alike that would be so boring, it would be more like brother and sister. i can see commonality between you, madhur bhaiya, sangeet and myself, but at he same time we are all 4 very different individuals. that is what makes it fun when we are together (thought the together part has not happenned for a long time:-(...
what is very imp. for all the couples is to develop their own hobbies, and look for happiness within vs. depending for happiness on your better half. if your spouse can and does make you happy that is a bonus. but let's not blame for the times when they cannot do enough to make us happy. let us learn to enjoy the differences.
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