What we have lost over the years?

I spent the Saturday watching two 1950's movies - " Do Aur Do Char" and " Mr X in Bombay". I had no idea what these movies are about but got them as I wanted to see Kishore Kumar movies as they have rib tickling comedy. Divyansh was not amused as firstly they were old movies and secondly Black & White. Well 'Do aur Do Char" is inspired by Shakespeares "Comedy of Errors". Sanjeev Kumars " Angoor" which came many years later on the same theme should give in its credit this movie also apart from Comedy of Errors as quiet a number of scenes and dialogues have been picked from here. Mr. X in Bombay must have been Shekhar Kapoors inspiration for Mr. India - all the vanishing tricks etc etc. Its obvious the movies are not sleek, presentable and designed like those of today but they are honest and gives a ring side view of the socio economical state of the people and country at that time. How people were honest, truthful, satisfied and happy despite all the hurdles. Kishore Kumar singing on the Gateway of India with the Arabian sea or Taj Hotel as backdrop is a delight to watch. Very few people and automobiles on the road. It must have been such a non polluted world at that time.With technology movies in the last 50 years have become very sleek, well chopped and cut and presentable. But we have lost out so much in the process. Patience. The fast food culture has just wiped out this word from every ones dictionary. Instant result is in. Few weeks crash courses promises entrance to IIT's. I am confused whether getting to IIT's is priority or gaining knowledge is. Truth. We can go to any distant from truth in this competitive world. Its now such a habit worse than smoking that people speak lies where they have nothing to even gain out of it. Humble. Its a show mans world. You have to show even if you dont own. I am surprised as the sole reason to own a big car is to show off to friends and not personal joy or requirement. Fear. Cellphones & TV's have bought in our live more stress than comfort. I still recollect once while returning from Nagpur with Mom our train caught fire and almost 70-80 people died. We survived and reached home on an alternative train and in fact till the time we told dad and others at home of what we went through they were not even aware such an incident has taken place. In today's world I can imagine what Dad would have gone through with the Breaking News updating him every minute. I would also like to share yesterdays incidence. Divyansh had a football match. He plays at a ground near our home. For this match he was to go to some distant ground. When I found out he has gone with some one else and not our driver , I was upset with Minoo and when he didnt reach home when he said he would, I send our driver to fetch him. I in fact was contemplating giving him a cellphone though Minoo and myself had decided we will give him cellphone when he reaches 16 - another three years to go. Innocence. The speed at which the kids grow up in today's 24 hrs satellite world is a pity. I really wish they had even 10% of the fun we or our parents had. The whole childhood is lost in useless school projects, 24 Hrs TV channels, video games, social networks like orkut & facebook. Nature. The biggest non human casualty has been nature. Its so depressing to see all that we have done with nature over the years. What we are leaving for our next generation. Crossing Yamuna river on way to Noida from Delhi is such a painful site with just a sewerage canal left of our holy river.
I have listed some of the problems we have created in this period of transition to this modern colorful world. We have lost out on our crying and laughing more often, more openly and more sincerely.We lost out on a world where being emotional was not synonymous as being weak. When journey was as important as destination. When travel in a passenger train gave enough time and opportunity to enjoy the nature outside than today's airconditioned trains with dark glasses and curtains. Its good and advisable to see these Black and White movies in between to constantly remind us what the hell we have done for ourselves and the gen next and at least some where our conscious will not allow us to let it deteriorate that fast even if we cant stop it.

The cost of a Good Night's sleep

Its 2 AM in the morning. Minoo and Divyansh are sound asleep. I abruptly woke up some time back and then onwards have not been able to sleep. Papa, Mummy and Bai ( Grand Ma) left for our home town Purulia last evening for a fortnight. Suddenly I find myself as head of the family. Every time when I have been in such situations its been hard on my sleep. I have always felt restless. I feel how difficult it is to live without guardians. At this age also I feel so protected when parents are around.

The general culture in western world is to live of your own. I have not come across any one ( except some Indian families) as of now who live with their parents or adult children. I have read in history there always has been a joint family system there also but over the years now its non existent. What could have been possible reasons for this? I think we need to know this and find a possible solution for this as this culture is also slowly and steadily coming into our country. Is it just economical compulsions? Or generation gap? Or both ? What ever it is but I feel its not the best way. Life would be more colorful and beautiful if you always have parents living with you. Of course every one in the situation have to give others the breathing space and independence to live their personal part of life. And these minor compromises are too small a cost for a good nights sleep and I pray every one is blessed to have their parents around for long.

God has been even...

I write this during my train journey from Kuopio to Helsinki within Finland. Its been now almost 12 days traveling within Germany, UK, Austria and Finland. This is my second visit to Finland. Last time when I came here it was in April. It was cold at that time but this time during June the weather was excellent. Clear sky and of course 24 hrs day. I have traveled some 17 countries so far and but Finland is amongst the best places to travel and visit. Its so fresh and refreshing here. The air is clean. It must be among one of the most beautiful natural places in the world. The tall pine trees between huge lakes. Its hard to describe – you only can see and feel it. I would strongly recommend any one who loves nature to come and visit this place. But more than the nature what touches you is the people. They are honest, true and that’s why may be happy. There is no inhibition. Nothing artificial. Its all “I am what I am”. Its so natural.Its so different from India. We try to be so cautious of others that we start becoming artificial. And the biggest problem we have is we are dishonest. We flaunt what we don’t own. We believe in not paying taxes. We believe in short term gains and don’t have a broader horizon. We try to be good and not are naturally good.

But then I believe God does not give everything to everybody. There are so few people here in Finland. Its just a country of 5 million people. The roads look so empty as if there is a strike going on. The trains I traveled were never fully occupied. They don’t have enough people to sale their products. The population is decreasing and there are more old people than young. This naturally means their products become expensive and affordability goes down. So less people buy and this is a vicious cycle. For an example a metallurgical test we conduct in India for 50 Euros , our customer pays 600 Euros for the same here. It will not be long before they will land in an economical mess. I am sure the process has already started and except for very high technical capabilities things have started moving to India, China or Brazil. In India we have such a huge market that any thing and every thing is consumed. Our biggest strength is our human resource. Its high time these countries should start importing manpower from India or China. It does not make any sense by stopping or slowing immigration. I was discussing this with my customer and he said the government does not have enough jobs for present citizens so it will add to more pressure. But then there will be more unemployment if the cost of living is too high and not all can afford it. This will result in less sales and more layoffs. Its so complex. This is Gods way of not giving everything at one place. He has made his distribution very even. We inherit great strength and wisdom in India. If only we are good to what we have and truthful and honest we will be much better off. I don’t know how this will happen. Once this starts happening we will be more strong as a nation and happy citizen of this world. During my next trip to Europe I would certainly like to go to Denmark and try to find out what they do different then the world that its worlds happiest country for many years.

..........And the trees are green again

Since last three weeks or so , I have been doing my Yoga outdoors in our house garden. Winter this time here has been short. There would be dry leaves all through the lawn on which I do Yoga. The trees around looked brownish, dirty and dead. And in these three weeks I have had the pleasure of witnessing the trees filled up with young vibrant leaves changing color and size every day. Suddenly the same trees look beautiful and green. Nature teaches us so many lessons and this experience does teach me that there is always light at the end of tunnel and Hope is the biggest motivator. It teaches me to recognize the presence of light and darkness through life. It teaches me that if I fall down, which I will many times,I should get up start over and keep going. Optimism and courage always defies the failures that come across.

In our family we have seen despair and hope so closely in the last seven years. When Mom was detected with third stage of cancer in 2001, even the doctors thought she will not see 2002. Thank God and the sheer guts of her will power, she is living completely healthy. In 2006 when Papa was detected with cancer in the mouth, I was shocked and the first reaction as usual was, Why us? But then Lance Armstrongs words echoed back that we never question God Why us when good things happen. Again with Gods grace, Papa came out of the misery wonderfully well. Then my surgery happened. Every one around us were worried as to why all this is happening to us. In fact I get worried more when papa starts questioning why us despite all his belief and faith in HIM. Nature has taught me that if HE gives us hardship, he also gives us the spirit to fight it. I strongly believe that our failures are lessons that God teaches us to brace it. Setbacks are for every one in life. For some its early and for some its late, for some its big and for some its small. Patience will always heal the wounds of these setbacks. Setbacks are not a negative crisis but a life changing moment, a moment to pause and think, another chance to rearrange life and live happily. The trees will always turn green after the winters.

Late to work

I have been working 8 to 8 since the time I started work and many a times on Sunday also till I went for my surgery in mid November. Since then I go late to work and come home early.I have to go through my physio therapies and exercises. I am doing yoga and pranayam and walk. All this takes up lot of my morning despite getting up at 6 AM. After almost four months of taking this routine I have though not seen the physical advantages but am blessed with the mental peace that most of us, running after targets and goals, miss.

I now have breakfast and dinner with my family. Of all these routine, the best part of the day is my breakfast with my grand mom. Its impossible to describe her. Her compassion and care towards others is to be felt then written about. I am not a competent enough writer to pen about her. Such a marvelous lady she is. Blessed are all who have come in contact with her. Our breakfast talk veers around old days. I try to dig out from her memories of the golden days. The cows we had, the time when I was born, Her children ( my father and aunt), my grandfather, anything and everything which I can learn and know before the curse of old age cleans the memory. That 40 minutes to an hour breakfast is the best time of my day. It takes me off from the hustle bustle and fast life the new generation lives. Over hundred channels bought to them by the sat TV channels have just left them changing stations on the remote more then watching them. Individual TV sets have cropped up to cope up with individual tastes. I still recollect not just our family but the whole neighborhood used to assemble at our home every Sunday to watch the Sunday movie on our black and white Televista TV set. It was so much fun and bonhomie. I pity Sameep, Divyansh and other kids of this generation as they watch TV sitting all alone. When we travel in our car the kids continuously flicker with the many FM channels not letting you listen a complete song. We still remember Amin Sahani's Binaca Geetmala coming at 8 PM on Radio Ceylon every Wednesday. The excitement that rubbed every Indian when they got their 20 year back booked Bajaj Scooter, their first HMT watch - it's all gone. My 11 year old son already has purchased 6-7 watches. We were the only family in the neighborhood who had a refrigerator. So we had neighbors coming many times in a day to take ice or keep their milk in our refrigerator. In fact my grand mom bought a second refrigerator to service them. That’s what I meant compassion and care I wrote above. This way we were meeting our neighbors everyday.I don’t recollect meeting my neighbor these days for weeks. We were the only ones in those days who had an ambassador car. When my aunt used to come from her home to us the honk blown some miles back could be heard and we knew she is reaching. With 5 million plus vehicles in our city – u can imagine the pollution we live in. A Bata shoe was a pride possession to be worn only on special occasions – now Sameep must have bought 20 Nikes and Addidas in the last 2 years. All things ‘phoren’ is the new trend now. But the good old swadeshi things gave more peace and joy which unfortunately and sadly I could not give to my children. As Mukesh sang “ Jiyenge magar mushkura na sakenge, ki ab jindagi me mohabbat nahin hai (I will live but not smile any more, For love has gone…..). Don’t miss each moment that you can wrap up with elders in your family.. they will not be there for ever.

Social Approval or Self Approval

Sangeet is coming today for couple of days. Its our Rakhi tomorrow. Our community - Maheshwari- celebrates Rakhi on Purnima( Full moon) around 20 days after the others do. I don't know why but I have seen this since my first Rakhi and as a school kid it always looked funny when I used to reach school with all the Rakhis tied to my wrist. A few years back I had a great Rakhi at Washington when Sangeet and Rachana both were there. We decided that we will do this every year celebrating together. But unfortunately it has not happened in all the years after that. Lucky for me this year Sangeet is coming. And I really appreciate her efforts to come to Faridabad. I am excited and happy. I am sure Sangeet will be more than that. I look forward to seeing her today evening.

Talking of Sangeet - Sumant & Sangeet as of now have delayed having kids. All my relatives like when we meet - enquire if Sangeet has any kids and when I reply in negative - they look disappointed. I also used to be disappointed with their decision. But when I look at it in a different prospective I some how feel why the hell am I or the people we know feel disappointed at their decision. Its their choice if they want to have kids or they don't want. Why do we live thinking what others are going to feel. Specially on issues so personal. I now feel, there is nothing wrong in their opting to delay parenthood if they don't feel ready for it yet.I see lot of disappointed parents in today's world. May be because they don't know how to be a good parent. There is always a chance of failure in any activity we do but this one is irreversible. You have no choice but to live with it even if it brings lot of stress. Parents sacrifice so much for there kids. Their habits, lifestyle, money, emotions, friends, hobbies , it can be a long list and in most cases they don't accept anything in return. That's what parents think but may be there are internal expectations. Specially in India. How many of them the children fulfil. I know I have not fulfilled much of what my parents expected or planned about me. I don't even give 10 minutes of my time to read a book to my grand mom. I know my Dad feels hurt when I don't do these small things. I make them more unhappy than happy. When I see Minoo devoting so much of her time to teach Divyansh I feel unhappy about it. I know 50% of the time she goes to walk with me is just to please me but her mind is on Divyansh's studies. If I look at all the arguments we had in our family it has some where originated because of the kids. Then why do I have kids. Just because every married couple has one. Or its because my Grand parents or parents or the society expected me to have one. Or did I have kids because they will take care of me when I get old. Absolutely not at least this one. I neither expect nor look forward to them to take care of me when I grow old or sick. It feels so sickening when I see people around suffering because the children are fighting over family properties. They care a damn about parents - who gave there all - time, youth, hobbies, money and what not. Is it worth taking a risk. This is no business. You can recoup from losses. You can divorce if you are unhappy in a marriage. What can you do in situations like this? Just be unhappy.
I feel every couple should evaluate their capabilities to raise a child and the day they feel they are capable to upbring and grow with the child they should have one. This is not a popularity contest, at the end of the day what matters is are you happy and not creating undue pressure in you life?

Materialism and Spirituality

At our home we have some extremes in both Materialism and spirituality. The kids are too materialistic wanting to own everything they see on the net and my Grand Mom is spiritual to the max. And we co exist. Is it possible that Materialism and Spirituality can co exist? Yes, depending on what you mean of spirituality. For me Spirituality is humanity. I learned this from my Grand Father. This means - apart from looking after your family, you should look after others who are not as fortunate as you are. I have never forgotten one statement my grandfather used to say - "Jo deta hai woh pata hai" ( in English - "One who gives , always gets" - I am not sure if I translated it exactly from Hindi). He was never very religious. He always used to say , "Help others even if at the cost of some sacrifice , that's why we are in this world".

His words and lessons are a challenge to me. I have always believed in the Supreme being, the one who guides us. HE has bought us in this world and HE will take us away. Only Karma is what we can do. As Babuji ( that's what we called him) I am also not very religious. I rarely go to temples though I do my prayers - may be for a minute in the morning and before I go to bed. I also don't believe in organised religion. I don't expect my kids to follow the religion I follow. It will never bother me if they choose not to be religious. I believe religion is man made. I don't need religion to be good. I try to do in my humble way what ever good I can do for the people through money, time or counselling. I am not sure if you guys have heard about the "two percent club" located at Denver where all the members are committed to donate minimum 2 % of there revenue every year in the form of cash or kind. That's a wonderful commitment towards the needy. I am sure all these guys who do this charity like materialistic things also. I believe there is no harm in trying things "so called materialistic". To follow spirituality I believe I don't have to be away from materialism and vice versa. The best path is the middle one - away from both the extremes. I firmly believe materialism and spirituality can go together hand in hand. You don't have to leave worldly pleasure and go in search of spirituality. What I see of the Pope - he leaves in opulence - so much Gold, pearls, velvet etc. Yet he is so spiritual. Connected to the Almighty.
This is what Babuji believed in. I remember Babuji telling me one day to make a Guru for myself - some one who will show me the path in my life- I told him when I have you as my Grandfather, I don't need to go to a Guru. All his words and acts were that of wisdom. Babuji always said that Ego is the root of materialism. If Ego is put on hold , the spirit has more space to move around.You can clearly hear your spirit when the Ego is not making noise and is kept silent in one corner. Hope I can follow his this advice.

I know I will be very successful in my life and career if I am able to follow some of his ways and style. Miss u Babuji.

SMOKING KILLS

( TO WATCH THIS PICTURE EITHER TURN YOUR HEAD ANTICLOCKWISE OR LIFT YOUR MONITOR AND TURN IT CLOCKWISE. DESPITE ALL MY EFFORTS I COULDNOT MAKE THIS PICTURE HORIZONTAL. THIS POSTER IS MADE BY DIVYANSH AND ME).

I was helping out Divyansh making one of his Summer projects today . The project was to make a poster on Smoking is Injurious to health. We made the poster attached here with.

Making the poster took me to my times when I was smoking and how it really kills. The health part of it is may be very well described and documented and every one knows of it but the morally how Smoking Kills. I got into smoking while at college. I am not sure how I took to it but like every body in my room used to smoke so may be I took to it. The habit continued long after I left my college and got married. Minoo had a strong dislike for it and I might have lied to her so many times that I don’t smoke any more but again took to it. Smoking made me lie so many times. Though I was not big time into smoking but as it was something I was doing thinking my family would not know and wanted to hide from them despite promising that I am not doing it, I used to lie. I would avoid taking Kids and Minoo out with me and would like to venture alone so that I can smoke. When I think of all this now I feel so bad and embarrassed, how could I do all this for this bad habit. I might have lost out on some of my prime time to enjoy life and my youth because of this. I believe this was the only vice I had in my life which made me do all other wrongs. Thank God I got this strong motivation to kick this habit and what a difference it has made to my life. I don’t have to now lie from my family nor have to do things away from them. I don’t have to feel guilty when people used to look at me with a nasty look when I would smoke in public place. Smoking really kills – if not healthwise but morally it does. Avoid this.